I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
