sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
