sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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