Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
