Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
