please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
