If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
