Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize