cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I just put wine in my tea
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
