i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
