good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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