This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Me. At least after what I've been through.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
