Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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