I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
