Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
