is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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