smell my finger.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
