Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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