I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize