this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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