just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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