hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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