its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
