Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
