I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
