Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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