I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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