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That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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