So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
