highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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