i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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