you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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