new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
