how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
