Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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