Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
