p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
