Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
