I hate all girls vehemently.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
