Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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