Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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