her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
