I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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