i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
