So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
