Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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