i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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