I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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