we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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