question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
