this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
