I need to stop coming to work sober
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
