nut hugger
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
