Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
