Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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