I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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