the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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