there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
