I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
