we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
