I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
