Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
