Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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