Christians are straight up FREAKS
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
