worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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