You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
