why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
